Rainbow Babies - Life After Loss
I didn't really post about my pregnancy much, mostly from fear, some because of guilt. Pregnancy after a loss, or in my case more than one loss, isn't all exciting and it is definitely a journey like no other. The first few months were terrifying, then they were exciting and then again towards the end that feeling of impending doom came back. The last month has been up and down emotionally and I'm not sure if it was just hormones or old fears coming back or both. What I do know is that now that Samuel is here, I have never felt a greater joy inside myself than I do now.
Every birth is different but I can honestly say that this birth was so exciting and such a happy time for me. Labor went smoothly - my water broke at 12:30 am and we got to the hospital by 1:30 with contractions 3 minutes apart and getting more intense. By the time I was 5 cm I got an epidural, which I didn't do with Benjamin and I am SO glad for the pain intervention. With it, I was able to enjoy the birth of my son which was absolutely a wonderful experience. By 8:15 am it was go time. Samuel Alexander was born at 8:44 am at 7 lbs 10 oz and 21 inches long. My midwife stayed so calm the whole time, even my husband mentioned this. The environment was so peaceful and I will never forget when Samuel was laid on my chest. I cried my eyes out from pure happiness. Our miracle was here, alive and well, a shock of black hair and just absolutely beautiful. Even as I type this, my heart swells with just pure joy.
Despite all the hell we went through with our miscarriage and ectopic pregnancy, through the last year of 2016 of so many downs in the beginning only to work its way up to the happiness we now know, I can only thank God for the blessings we have. They say those who don't know pain don't know true happiness and I can absolutely agree with that. I don't know if I would be as appreciative of this little life as I am without the loss we have endured, without the trying to conceive for years and nothing. The miracle of life is just that - a miracle. All babies are special but rainbow babies do bring a special light into the lives of those who have yearned for them so badly.
I pray for those of you who are struggling with infertility and the broad emotions that come because of it. My heart cries for you because I know so badly that struggle. I know the sadness and disappointment of each month. The hopelessness that follows and depression that is almost guaranteed. I pray that you get to feel this joy because you deserve it. For those who have felt this joy, aren't we so blessed? This joy will not be taken for granted and these children I have been given as a gift from God will be raised to the best of my ability, with God's help.
Welcome to the world Samuel Alexander
1 Samuel 1:20 New International Version (NIV) 20 So in the course of time Hannah became pregnant and gave birth to a son. She named him Samuel,[a] saying, “Because I asked the Lord for him.”
Benjamin Paul 11-3-2010
Adora Ruby 7-17-2013
Lost in Miscarriage
Theodore Andrew 11-9-2015
Lost in Ectopic Pregnancy