A lot of nights at bedtime it is just my son and I, so we listen to Keys for Kids on my phone (a short devotional) and sometimes Adventures in Odyssey through OnePlace.com. Tonight, after my boy fell asleep, I started scrolling through Facebook and came across this video:
Tears silently fell down my face. Not just because of the story itself, but because of an incident that happened yesterday in my own life, with another person.
My son and I had just left one of my OB appointments, and usually when I'm in the cities I grab groceries at my favorite stores. One of those stores is in Vadnais Heights, so we were headed there. I saw a man at the corner with a sign right off of the exit and saw the car next to me give him something and in my head I was so negative. I hate admitting any of this, but since moving here it is such a common sight and not knowing whether or not the person truly is in need or if they are just panhandling does eventually make me stupid when it comes to helping those in need. Beyond the point. I was being a jerk in my head.
We turned towards the store and there was a young man at another intersection with his dog and a sign as well. I have seen him before in the exact same spot, but this time I really felt I needed to go into the store and grab something from the deli for him and when we left, hand it to him. I KNEW I was supposed to. But instead, I let my mind go negative - why does he have a dog when he can't take care of himself, clearly! - he had a Wendy's cup so he must've already eaten - he was here last time, so he must find this a good spot to catch people for a hand out. Evil, I know. Makes me sick about myself to actually be writing this for the public eye!
I walked into the store and ignored the tug on my heart the WHOLE TIME. That's how cold I was to it. I didn't listen to the still, small voice. I totally ignored it. When we left the store, there he was, standing in the freezing cold. Not making eye contact with anybody. Why would he? Here we all are judging him from inside our warm cars while all he was doing was trying to survive. Who am I to lay judgement on him? I'm a nobody.
That is the story. I ignored when I should have helped. I was getting ready for bed tonight and I literally heard the Holy Spirit tell me, "The times it is necessary will be the hardest." I have been asking God to give me his love for people. To show me when I should help out and show his love. During the Holiday's the need is out there more than ever, or it shows more than ever. I have been asking, and yet when the time came, I ignored it. I ignorantly ignored my mission. I actually prepped a meal one day and brought it with when we made a trip to the cities and sure enough didn't spot a soul who could use it. Then the day I am greedy, cranky and just plain mean, the time arrives, and I am not prepared. God forgive me for my complete ignorance. I hope this post helps you see that it isn't easy and it won't be easy when it is necessary but isn't that the true test? I think so. And this last time I failed. I hope my failure can help someone else fulfill their mission in the future. God bless.