The "D" Word

It comes up in everyone's marriage I am sure. During a fight. A burst of anger. When life just brings your marriage down.

Divorce is so common nowadays people even throw parties for being "free" of the ball and chain, having the single life back etc. You get the point and I'm sure you know about it as well. The reason that I'm bringing this up is because it is a word that is thrown around very loosely, even by me at times. My marriage has been anything but perfect. We have struggled through addictions, infertility, anger, hurt and resentment. Over 10 years ago when we met, we were kids living lives full of indulgence and doing whatever we wanted. By the grace of God I was able to pull out of it quick, but Lawrence struggled even longer to get where he needs to be in life as a husband and father. In the meantime, that brewed a lot of anger and resentment in me; creating a ferocious beast that demanded recognition. He has come a long ways and in the meantime we have both hurt each other with words and actions that sometimes take a LONG time to heal.

Sometimes divorce is necessary due to abuse or infidelity and I'm sure there is something I am missing here. But divorce is hurtful, painful and immensly hard, even for those who think it is what they really want. You were "one" with that person, as the Bible puts it. It even says,

"Therefore what God has joined together, let no one separate." Mark 10:9 NIV

Marriage wasn't meant to be dissolved at the drop of a hat. Marriage isn't all of about butterflies, love and happiness, it just isn't. It is a partnership where two people are learning to live and work with the other person to create an environment that is healthy for the both of them. I love the saying "Marriage isn't 50/50; it's both people giving 100%" SO TRUE! You can't always expect things especially when you aren't giving them. By this I mean time, love and the things that really matter; the ones that cannot be bought. It is about taking care of the other's person heart, body, mind and soul to a point where the connection is so strong that "D" word isn't even thought about.

In today's society I think the above is the hardest to learn. We are all about being happy. Do whatever makes you happy. He doesn't make you happy? Get a divorce because you don't deserve that and you deserve happiness. Am I right?

This is scary because kids are tossed between families having anywhere from 2-4 different step parents in their lives and sometimes more. Even with the abuse from my biological father, a part of me always hoped that the marriage and family could somehow be mended. That never happened and it left a hole in my heart that was later filled by my dad now. He is amazing don't get me wrong, but the wholeness of an original family is what kids deserve and need if that is possible to be given to them. The other side of that is your heart. Your heart is tossed around and rendered into a tumultuous life that can turn a person hard and bitter because of the love found and love lost so many times. That's hard on anyone!

When I find myself going here in my head or in my words to my husband during a bad time, I have to stop myself and really contemplate the worth my marriage holds to me. It holds my child right in the center. It holds lots of love and laughs and new beginnings. It holds my husband dear to my heart. A man who has worked so hard to become the man he is today. Someone HE can be proud of, not just us.

To the newlyweds and those getting married, marriage will be the biggest commitment of your life. Not buying a house, that new car or that boat. Nope. Marriage will be your biggest commitment because what is torn apart most of all in this world is marriages. Strive to keep yours together. Strive to be less selfish. Strive to keep the most precious gift of all sacred and free from the "D" word.