The Early Years

Another Day to Live

I am not a morning person. Very rarely do I wake up and think "What terrific thing can I accomplish today?" Quite the opposite. I drag myself out of bed after my 3 year old jumps on me and tells me to "wake up" and to "come on, come on!" so impatiently. I laugh somewhere deep inside because it is super cute, I just really do not want to wake up yet. If he let me, I would probably sleep until 9am instead of being up at 6:30 or 7. The beautiful perks of being a blessed mom :) 

I am not complaining. My son is the best thing that ever happened to me. If it weren't for him I would probably be the lame party girl I used to be. I grew up in a very strict, well-maintained Christian home. Was the best home for someone like me. My mom was single until I was 9 then she met my dad and they were married in 1996 and he adopted myself and my 2 brothers and my sister. Mom had left my biological father when I was 1 1/2 because of abuse, among other things, which he went to prison for. I had no relationship with my biological father before he killed himself when I was 13. Not to be terribly harsh, as I have moved on and forgiven him for all the terrible things he did, but as a victim I am glad he did so I don't have to worry or fear or anything else that comes along with being abused as a young child. 

Back to myself. I moved out of the house when I was 17 because I needed "freedom" and "knew what was best for myself" etc., etc. We all have gone through that stage I am sure and if you haven't you should try it ;) just kidding! It was a huge struggle (so much for freedom) and it was nothing like I had so imagined or the movies portrayed (shocker, I know). That was when I started getting into snorting pills so I had energy for the day because I worked so much to make ends meet. I met some wrong people and some great people through that, one of which I am still very good friends with. 

I met my now husband in February of 2005 through my room mate, Kris. My roommate had invited Lawrence (my husband) over along with another guy, to get high and I was doing Kris's homework for cigarettes (wow I sound crazy). I thought Lawrence was super cute and me and my other roommate, Kris's girlfriend Jaimie, went for a ride and talked about which one was hotter. She thought the other guy was and I totally thought Lawrence was. Tall, dark, handsome. Yes. Curly hair, green eyes. My dream boy. 

When the guys left our apartment, we all chatted on this subject and Kris said he would try

to hook us up. He invited Lawrence over for a movie night and he actually came. The 3 of us sat and watched a movie, then Kris set Lawrence up a bed in the living room and we all headed to bed. Well, I had some weed and wanted to get high but not alone and I already knew Lawrence did so I went to the living room and asked if he wanted to get high. Yes, my first words directly at my husband were "You wanna get high?". He said of course then we decided to watch a movie so I went to my room grabbed a few movies and asked if he wanted to watch Popeye the cartoon. Apparently that was the selling point. He was so shocked I watched Popeye and was so "cool" that he came over again to hang out another time, gave me his phone number and that was that. We started dating about a week or two later. 

Now, Lawrence and I were 17 & 18 years old. Very, very young. We both graduated high school in 2004 and were just rebels without a cause except that we were angry and young

When We Were Young

and stupid. We partied all the time, hardly kept our jobs and smoked lots of pot. Eventually we started selling because it was worth the money because it supported our habits. We did that for a few years. Let me tell you, I had more "friends" back then than I do now. How very sad. I know they weren't what one would call a real friend. They were just junkies too trying to get their fix and Lawrence and I were generous. If you bought from us we smoked you up, would throw in extra and had the best prices. We had game, if thats what you consider game. 

In 2006 Lawrence got busted with a little bit on us while we were driving. I will never forget that night. It was scary, but unfortunately not a wake up call. We continued in our stupidity only to regret it now that we are responsible adults. 

In 2007 I ran into health problems and was very sick from all the drugs and partying. I seriously thought I would die at one point. It was horrible. I weighed 98 lbs and looked like hell. It took me a 2 years to get my weight up to 115 and feel okay for the most part. Still not a wake up call, sadly.

We literally dealt for 4 more years after that! Don't ask me how we never got busted again or nothing worse happened to us, because we were lucky or God really has better plans for our lives than rotting in prison over poor choices. 

In early 2010 we found out we were pregnant with our son. I cried. Lawrence was excited. It was extremely scary but that day was my turning point. I needed to change and had wanted to for awhile. I was sick of our lives. I was sick of partying all the time. I was sick of living for my next high. I was sick of everything. So the best thing to ever happen to me, was that positive pregnancy test. 

I quit smoking 2 weeks after I found out I was pregnant. Yes, my drive for a better life had hit! I had my reason to change and a reason to be a better person, because I personally didn't deserve it but this baby did. 

Lawrence and I got married June 11, 2010. We had talked about marriage before our baby, but never did because we were so effed up we didn't do much "doing" just a bunch of talking. 

On November 3rd, 2010, Benjamin Paul Fuller made his debut into this world. This is the moment our lives changed completely for the better. 

Benjamin Paul Fuller 11-3-10